Times must be hard for Steven Seagal. Do his straight-to-video actioners not pay enough bills that he has to enter the energy drink business? Dubbed “Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt” (snicker), the drink comes in two flavors: Asian Experience and Cherry Charger.

As a public service, I tried them both for you, the reader. I had exactly one drink of each. I had to spit out exactly one drink of each, too. For you see, Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt – ”a natural energy drink packed with vitamins and exotic botanicals” – is not only the worst energy drink ever, but a cursed liquid in general that puts your body UNDER SIEGE. It smells what I would imagine his ass to smell like, with a pungent, repulsive taste to match. An hour later, I still get the aftertaste off my tongue no matter how much I scrape it. It’s an overall gruesomeness that’s HARD TO KILL and I feel like I’ve been MARKED FOR DEATH.

Avoid this like you have his movies of the last 10 years.

Buy it at Amazon … if you dare!
Discuss it in our forums.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 27th, 2006 at 9:04 am and is filed under Grocery Whore. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.