The Unofficial Brentwood Communications
10-Movie DVD Sets Shrine and Info Center
A THIN LINE BETWEEN LIFE & DEATH (2003)
Reviewed:
Assassin
Not Yet Reviewed:
Beneath the 12 Mile Reef
Blood Tide
Bronx Executioner
Evel Knievel
Four Deuces
Hands of Steel
1-900
Power, Passion and Murder
Lethal Justice
Assassin
(1986)
***
Imagine if The
Terminator were a made-for-TV movie.
And instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger as a killer robot with an
authority problem, what if they cast a guy who looks not unlike
Gopher from The Love Boat? Voila! You have Assassin, written and directed by cathode vet Sandor
Stern (Amityville: The Evil Escapes).
As the telefilm opens, government-created
android Robert Golem goes nutzoid and kills two fellow agents
before going on the run, in search of more government agents to
kill. In order to stop him, the team has to recruit two
ex-agents now in the public sector. One is star Robert Conrad,
bringing to Assassin all the verve and intensity of those
Duracell commercials. The other is Karen Austin (Markie Post’s
predecessor on Night Court), because with Conrad in the lead, they needed
someone to balance that out and lend the action film some
testosterone.
Austin explains to Conrad that she helped
create the robot, who has two built-in weaknesses: his brain is
in his stomach and he has to recharge his power supply every 72
hours by plugging into an air-conditioning unit for 30 minutes,
which he does by removing a cord implanted in his ankle. He
also has a detachable tummy for working on his insides and is
prone to jumping out of high-rise windows to escape capture.
Assassin has no forward drive, nor anything
resembling true action. It’s mediocre in every way, right
down to the costumer’s decision to clothe Conrad in
butt-hugging khakis. It’s not intended for laughs, but
generated its fair share for me.
